Baby on the Brain

In the past week, I have spent an abundant amount of time visiting family and friends. This is amazing because I love these people with all my heart, however it can be very dangerous to my sanity (in more ways than one). Let me explain. Last Saturday, Mr. Wonderful and I spent time with my brother David and sister-in-law Frances and their 5 month old little girl, Teresa.

Now, Mr. Wonderful and I have our own set of friends that we spend time with, but they are all single. We aren't friendly with any another married couples around our age that lives within 30 miles of us, except David and Frances, and we are so grateful to have them. Granted, my brother is 8 years older than me, we all get along so well and w have so much fun with them. Although they just bought a house even further away from us, Mr. Wonderful and I have decided to make it a point to see them more often, because there is a huge difference in hanging out with married couples versus hanging out with single friends. Both are fun, but in different ways. Sadly, our separate friendships is not my main obstacle these days, it's my raging hormones.

Did you know it is a proven fact that babies emit a smell that triggers hormones in women to desire to have children? This is my problem. My little niece is a beautiful girl with a great smile and expressive eyebrows (just like my brother) and I can't help but play with her and kiss her head. She's adorable! After spending time with family, I went to lunch with the other female Science teachers in my department this past Tuesday and one has a 10 month old girl named Teagan. Just as wonderful as my neice, I couldn't help but "talk" and play with Teagan, all the while, feeling the urge to bare offspring more by the minute. My hormones were so bad, that I actually teared up a bit while in Mr. Wonderful arms. I have always dreamed about having little ones, but we both know it's much smarter to wait one more year until he has a stable job and I have more experience in teaching. I also know that those wonderful little girls have their needy, cry-all-night, no sleep, want to crawl in a hole moments that I haven't seen. Children are a gift but I know in my heart I'm not ready to make the sacrifices needed to be a good mom. It still hurts to wait though. So I've been having this constant internal struggle of baby vs. no baby life, and in the meantime, I think I'm driving Mr. Wonderful crazy.
For most organisms, it is part of their genetic code to survive and reproduce. I once had a college professor tell us how he failed at evolution since he did not produce any offspring. Organisms are compelled to carry on their genes to the next generation, but for humans it can be so much more. I know Mr. Wonderful will be the most amazing dad, and I feel like I can't wait to have little miracles that we create together. I also want to believe that God will always provide, as has been shown for us before, but what do I do? We feel we're being stupid if we bring a child into a home right now that can't afford him or her (emotionally, physically, and financially). But we also feel stupid if we question God's will. Are we the only ones feeling the struggle? Let us know.